In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
false alarm, still single
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