pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
