It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
