Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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