she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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