I have demons in me.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
