Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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