shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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