i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
