Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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