I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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