i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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