he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
