Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
