You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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