I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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