atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
