so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Your cock deserves a montage
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
