I bet he comes in French.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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