Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
