The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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