This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
