Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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