Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
