we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
