she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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