K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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