I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
