Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
