Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
