i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
