I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
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