Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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