smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
