All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
