cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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