i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
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Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
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Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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