i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
