My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
