On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
