So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
home. puking in laundry basket.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
