You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
