Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
