sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
