You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
