is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
