I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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