my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
