just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
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I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
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i need to put some appletini on your dick
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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