mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
