I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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