just come out here and I will go home with you...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
