I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
