You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
