I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
is it fun? or sober?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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