There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
