We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
please come you make the beer taste better
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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