What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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