She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
