I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
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Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
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You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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