wat bout pragnant strippers??
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
