Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
These tits shall not be calmed
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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