sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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