I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
