I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
