I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My life is pants optional.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
