The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
