worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
