Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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