You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I would ride that face into the sunset
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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