Jerry, you need to find god
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
