wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
try to milk me bitch
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
