Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
