I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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