There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
