i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
