Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
