her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
