I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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