I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
