she woke up with a sticky ear
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
