Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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