We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
