bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
