I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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