i just wanna soil my oats bro
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
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And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
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I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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