Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
